I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
