We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
