it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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