I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
