after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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