There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
