...so i touched it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
