what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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