I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
