Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
