Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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