If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
