The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
