new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
