you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
