He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
