her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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