So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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