I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
