I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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