there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
