FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is Oprah even human
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
