I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
