Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He shit in the fireplace
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
