lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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