Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
