he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
