I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
