i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
