I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
