Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
