Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
