apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
