just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
