How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
