Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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