Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
