you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
