did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
