We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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