you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
