Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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