The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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