It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
