i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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