I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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