Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drake has all the answers
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
