Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I looked at my own cervix.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
As shirtless as possible
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize