when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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