IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
