I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
