my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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