Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
