So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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