My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
