She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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