Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
