Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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