i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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