Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize