I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
