I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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