She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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