We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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