She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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