phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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