Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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