im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
